I remember when I was about 10 years old, I had a very vivid image of what my future would be. I would be married to Michael Jackson and have three children and live in America.
But of course just like many children with imaginative thinking, this image faded away very fast as I was hit by the harsh reality of growing up. Here I am, almost 2 decades later, still unmarried though with a child.
I have many doubts on the idea that a woman's destiny is marriage like we were raised in Uganda and many parts of Africa. We have evolved so much in many different ways, traveled almost in every corner of the globe and met so many people that it is not possible to be the even close to same person you were prior to all these factors.
This is not a case of eating sour grapes but Europe is a different system with solutions and remedies to almost everything compared to Africa. People live with options and hope of change in case things back fire or do not go their way.
There was once a very influential woman in Uganda who wanted to divorce her abusive husband but she failed to do so because she was married in the church and the best she could do was separate from him but officially they were still married.
Marriage is such a serious institute that I feel that people these days do not want that kind of bondage. At what point did this happen?
But of course where I come from; protocol, society, family and other factors that surround human society dictate that if you are together for such a long time, then you should have children and be married.
With so many African women traveling all over the world, getting more educated, making their own money, meeting different people, they somehow seem too independent which is not the typical way we were raised.
People sometimes seem to misinterpret woman emancipation. I am no feminist but an African woman these days pays her way around life and can do many things that were taboo but it does not mean she is the same as a man. A woman has never been equal to a man otherwise then we would look the same instead of alike and our bodies would do the same things not similar.
We have different roles and that makes us not equal, we are equal as human beings but not gender- wise.
This quest of living between two different cultures has cost me a lot but also made me a better person to some level. I do believe in marriage but as I have grown older, I appreciate companionship and love more than getting married.
It is the way the cookie crumbles and inevitably the world we are living in is becoming less dependant on permanent things.
There is always a new version of everything which is exciting in the beginning because it is like a child with a new toy and then after a while you know all you need to know and then you move on to the next. It is a vicious cycle which we keep fueling in many parts of our lives.
We do not know how to fix things that are broken anymore but just get something new!
Much as we may say the West is like this and like that, Africa is catching up quite fast and all the pros and cons of globalisation and modernity are very present there.
Young and modern day Africans approach relationships much more different than their fore fathers. It is not just about the celebration but also what comes after.
People choose their own spouses much more than the arranged marriages that out ruled choosing for oneself.
Africans have more control of their personal lives than ever but of course with power comes great responsibility.
